We really only fall in love with three people in our lives, and each of these loves comes into our lives for a different reason.
Often, our first love is when we are young; it’s the idealistic love, the one that seems like a fairy tale romance. This love appeals to what we should be doing for society, and our family. We believe that this is our only love, and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we have to bury our personal truths to make it work, because we naively believe, this is what love is. With this type of love, how others see us is more important than how we actually feel. It’s a love that only looks right.
The second love that comes into our lives is our hard love, the one that teaches us lessons about who we really are, and how we want to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts.
We think we made a different choice than the first, but in reality, we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons. This second type of love can become a cycle, often repeating, because we think somehow the ending will be different than the last one. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends even worse than before.
Sometimes it’s with a narcissist. There may be mental, emotional, or even physical abuse, and most likely there will be high drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to the story line, the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows are addicting, and we keep trying to get back to the highs of the relationship. With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should be at all. It’s the love that you wish was right.
The third type is the love you never saw coming. This love often looks all wrong, and destroys any lingering ideals you might cling to about what love is supposed to be. This love comes so easily, it seems impossible. This love just comes together, and just fits; there are not any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, or is there pressure to become someone you are not. It’s the kind of connection that can’t be explained, and knocks us off our feet, because we never expected it. We are simply accepted for who we are.
The third type of love isn’t what we envisioned love should look like, and it doesn’t play by the rules. This is the love that will keep knocking on the door, no matter of how long it takes for you to answer. It will shatter your preconceived notions, and show you that love doesn’t have to be how we thought it should be, in order to be true. It’s the love that just feels right.
You may not experience all these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that might be, because you’re not ready to. Maybe the reality is, you need to truly learn what love isn’t, before ypu can learn what it is. It’s possible your could need a lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if you’re lucky, it only takes a few years.
Perhaps it’s not about if we are ready for love, but if love is ready for us!