14 Key Differences Between True Love and Toxic Love

true love, toxic love

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Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the true love of a twin flame or a soulmate, and the toxic love you can experience with a narcissist or sociopath. Both types of love can be intense, and both can have their ups and downs. So what’s the difference?

1: True Love: Each individual values the development of the Self, first and foremost.
1: Toxic love: Either one or both partners have an obsession with the relationship.

2: True Love: Both partners give each other room to grow, and have a desire for others to grow as an individual.
2: Toxic love: One or both partners seek security and comfort through sameness. The intensity of neediness is seen as proof of love. This is really insecurity, and fear of loneliness.

3: True Love: Each partner has separate interests, and other friends. Each maintain seperate meaningful relationships.
3: Toxic love: There is an obsessive and total involvement in “the relationship”. There is a limited social life, and a tendency to neglect old friends and family.

4: True Love: Each partner encourages each other’s expanding consciousness. Each are secure in their own worth.
4: Toxic love: There is a preoccupation with the other’s behavior, and a fear of the other changing.

5: True Love: There is trust that the partner will be there for you.
5: Toxic love: There is jealousy and possessiveness. There is a fear of competition.

6: True Love: A capacity to compromise, negotiate, and or take turns leading. The partners can problem solve together.
6: Toxic love: There are power plays for control, blaming, and passive, aggressive manipulation.

7: True Love: Each partner can embrace each other’s individuality.
7: Toxic love: One or both partner tries to change the other into their own image.

8: True Love: The relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
8: Toxic love: The relationship is based on delusion, and avoiding the unpleasant.

9: True Love: Both partner’s emotional state is not dependent on the other’s mood.
9: Toxic love: There is an expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10: True Love: There can be loving detachment, which is a healthy concern about the partner, while being ble to let go.
10: Toxic love: There is fusion, which is being obsessively connected with each other’s problems and feelings.

11: True Love: Sexual activity is by free choice, and grows out of caring and friendship.
11: Toxic love: There is pressure around sexual activity, due to fear, insecurity, and a need for immediate gratification.

12: True Love: Each partner has an ability to enjoy solitude, and being alone.
12: Toxic love: One or both partners is unable to endure separation. There is clinging.

13: True Love: The reoccuring cycle is one of comfort and contentment.
13: Toxic love: The reoccuring cycle is one of pain and despair.

14: True Love: Conversations are based on the intent to understand, help, and to convey affection.
14: Toxic love: Conversations are based on the intent to blame, defend, or manipulate.