Myth #1 Love just happens
The myth of Cupid and his arrows has misled us into dreamy expectations, and disconnected us from reality. Truth is, true love comes to those who are prepared to receive it. Are you prepared? Prepared to take a chance, to be vulnerable, to acknowledge your imperfections, to grow through your relationships, experience pain, compromise, and trust your experience? If you are in the right place, you’ll attract the right relationship.
Myth #2 Real love is easy
Falling in love with an attractive guy is easy. Everyone falls for this kind of infatuation, because “falling” is easy. It’s “growing in love” is the real deal and that needs work. If the painful phases in your long-term relationship challenges you to grow, and brings you to a better place personally, it’s a growing pain. You’re rebirthing yourself into a new, more loving, more compassionate self. It’s not easy but you are growing in love. The pain is worth it, because real love will change you. It’s not supposed to hurt and goes in cycles with no growth or change, it may be time to rethink everything.
Myth #3 True Love is Always 50/50
Unfortunately, there is no way to know how deeply we’re in someone else’s heart. We either feel loved or we don’t. And this changes over time. The solution is to accept that love isn’t always 50/50. And neither is it supposed to be tit-for-tat during a rough patch. Score keeping doesn’t help. If you feel that your partner is holding back from giving or receiving love, your best course of action is to openly and calmly bring it up.
Myth #4 Love is ALL you need
Even in fairy tales, the plot has struggle in it. There are wicked witches, poisonous apples, and snakes… This is true in real life also. Before any happy ending, a lot of experiences need to be lived, challenges need to be won and both lovers need to be willing to grow and change.
As renowned psychologist Scott M. Peck famously put it,
“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is an act of will – namely, both an intention and an action.”
Merely having feelings of love isn’t enough; are you and your partner willing to extend yourselves through action? If the answer is yes, you have a future together.
Myth #5 True Love Equals Compatibility
You are unique; you come with your own qualities, ambitions, and goals you need to work on, as does your partner. In the long run, feelings of love alone won’t be enough to sustain a healthy relationship. Compatibility is the foundation that keeps love alive; without compatibility, love dies.
Do you prefer watching a thriller while he needs to sky dive to feel alive? Do you have a cat, while he has a pet snake? Do you prefer a stable day job, while he wants to travel the world, and live out of a back pack? What does “living” mean to each of you? Can you imagine the same, or at least a similar future? True love isn’t blind, true love sees when things don’t work out. True love will ultimately make you do what’s right for you.